Friday, January 6, 2012

Tweets of the Week: 06 Jan 12

So here we are, almost a week into 2012 and it still has the New Year smell to it. And what better way to celebrate than this year's first installment of:


@ericjkrause: Ah, nothing like walking through a crowded public place to restore one’s hate of humanity.

@lazerdoov: I can’t prove God isn’t real, but at the same time, I can’t prove that my dog doesn’t run a violent
Asian street
gang while I’m asleep.

@iamQuddus: if something’s not working in your life-change it-don’t wait for a new calendar year to prompt improvement.

@scalzi: Every time a singer overemotes in a Christmas song, an angel’s wings are torn off and fed to a feral cat.

@Lord_Voldemort7: #WhatILearnedThisYear: When you’re sad, just remember that it’s the demetors fault and it’s perfectly fine to eat loads of chocolate.

@Fatihah_Iman: I think I’d like to write a book that gets released after I die. It will start: “Heaven is AWESOME. There’s so much chocolate!”

@AbielleRose: I believe in the sun, even when its not shining. I believe in love, even when it I don’t feel it. I believe in hope, even when no ones there

@AbielleRose: @TiffanyAllee @BigWords88 Hey baby, wanna bite my big, glazed doughnuts?

@HillaryJacques: Rage, thy name is road. A holiday isn’t an excuse to be an asshat, people.

@JenLucPiquant: Betteridge’s Law of Headlines: “Any headline which ends in a question mark can be answered by the word, ‘no’”

@ispeakfemale: If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. It’s as simple as that.

@JensBookshelf: Anyone who says sarcasm is the lowest form of wit isn’t doing it properly.

@LizzieSavage: the term “expecting” for pregnancy makes it sound like theres more than one outcome. “we’re expecting a baby, but it could be a velociraptor.”

@JensBookshelf: Man walks into a library: “Fish & chips please.”
Librarian: “This is a library!”
Man: “Sorry.” *whispers* “Fish & chips, please.”

@JLeaLopex: It’s PIQUED, people! Not PEAKED! They do not mean the same thing! #petpeeve

@BradWalsh: You can help victims of Accidentally Sexual Auto-Correction for just penis a day…

@MusclesGlasses: New Years Resolution: Kill more of what I eat with my bare hands.

@billamend: Open a bag of Cheetos at noon and it lasts for days. Open one at midnight and it’s gone in 30 minutes.

@jjunebrown: “A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.” – Franz Kafka

@joseph_ocon: Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. Piss on my leg and tell me I’m pretty.

@BookaliciousPam: I just realized the world isn’t going to end in 2012. Marty McFly time traveled to 2015…. #MayansLie

@misterkristoff: If you live life afraid of offending people with the words you write or the things you say, you’’’ NEVER write or say anything important.

@simmertilldone: It’s Thanksgiving, it’s Christmas, it’s Hanukkah, it’s new Years and then, with no warning, it’s just Tuesday.

@EvanJGregory: Just because you’re crass doesn’t mean you’re funny.

@Heir2Harlem: Life is a reflection of what you think, if thoughts are filled with negativity, the world echos your energy’s action.

@ForeverImmature: What to do with a mistake: Recognize it, admit it and learn from it.

@NathanFillion: Overheard at the coffee shop.

Him – I broke up with my girlfriend.
Her – Oh, no! When?
Him – As soon as she gets this text.

@AbsoluteWrite: It bears saying again- Righteous indignation is a lot like drinking good martinis: it’s SO hard to recognize the appropriate stopping point.

@ForeverImmature: Affection + Attention + Appreciation = Long Lasting Relationship.

Whew! Thanks to those who stayed to the end. Have a great weekend and here's hoping 2012 is off to a great start for you.

*Note: Okay, there are a lot of better ways, but humor me here. Also, as with all TotW, it’s really the past couple, including the holidays. And finally, all tweets are kinda' as they appear in my feed to include RT credits (when able), trends, misspells, poor punctuation, lies, new and improved formula, 33% more action, fights tough stains, and stronger than the leading competitor!

1 comment:

  1. Those were quite funny and I really needed the laugh. Thanks for sharing!