Wow, it's been a while, so apologies to the scores (aka tens) of worshipers feeling lost without an update. You know how it goes: work, training, finishing a WIP, revising, writing a query letter, ripping up the query letter, redoing the query letter, wondering if you should take up bowling instead of writing, conquering small patches of earth that are left unguarded, ruling that patch of eath with an iron fist...you know, normal stuff.
Anywho, no better way to get back into the swing of things than with:
CM's TWEETS OF THE WEEK*:
@SamSykesSwears: It is not legal to slap someone who brags about not reading books, but it is the right thing to do.
@shannynmoore: Campaigner knocked on my door & asked to "talk to the man of the house". I brought him my Mr Coffee maker.
@GeorgeTakei: Budweiser's "Platinum" beer is an edgier, more alcoholic version of what we were used to seeing. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan.
@SuzBrockmann: I want to order a pair of pants for the waitress.
@wizdom: God doesn’t have Twitter, but I follow Him.
@Scotzig: Writing is a job, a talent, but it’s also the place to go in your head. It is the imaginary friend you drink your tea with in the afternoon.
@victoriastrauss: A-plus again! RT
@JensBookshelf: How do non-daydreamers get through the day? If I don't spend time in my imagination, I'd go stir crazy.
@longshotauthor: I used to be a practical joker, until I took a whoopee cushion in the knee.
@TyrusBooks: If you insist you don't believe in the power of books, I'll insist you haven't read the right ones.
@AH_AdamHuges: There are some truly amazing, wonderful people in this world. And, there are some who, in defiance of the laws of physics, both suck & blow.
@Papa_Kosh: H: I need to get a closer look at those girls. Me: you're gonna be saying that for the rest of your life.
@scalzi: Wait, a social network I barely use has bought an app I don't use at all with money that's not mine? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
@Broslife: Sometimes I wish I didn't live with this curse of being so awesome.
@Pres_Bartlet: The First Amendment means you have the right to make an ass of yourself. It doesn't ensure that your employer has to keep paying you after.
@jimchines: Reminder to self: the first draft does not have to be perfect!
@Petermball: It's worth shouting NINJAS! randomly every hour, just in case some are hiding nearby. 99% of the time you look crazy, but that other 1%...
@McilroyRory: If anyone is having a bad day, remember that today in 1976 Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800. Now it's worth $58,065,210,000.
@TeresaMedeiros: Writing Facebook status updates and tweets won't make you successful. Writing books will make you successful
@DiscordianKitty: If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
@scalzi: Just watched "Moneyball." SPOILER ALERT: The balls are not, in fact, made of money.
@AbielleRose: If a zombie outbreak happens in Vegas does it stay in Vegas?
@Regan_Summers: P.P.P.S. If the Invisible Woman was into bondage, could Mister Fantastic tie her up...with himself? Because that *would* be fantastic.
@chavelaque: "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." -- George Eliot
@BronxZoosCobra: Today is National High Five Day! So everyone come by the zoo today and give me a...oh, right. Nevermind. Stupid national human holiday.
@geardrops: At airport, surrounded by businessy doodz on their iPads. Using my iPad as a hard surface for my My Little Pony Coloring Book.
@DeathStarPR: If Force choking idiots is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
@AuthorMJFifield: Well, it's a good thing a certain delivery guy's shorts are brown because I'm pretty sure my dogs just scared the shit out of him.
@Colin_Hanks: Ever wonder what they called "Buddy Holly" Glasses before Buddy Holly? I'll tell you the answer: GLASSES.
@Harkaway: I still read "bear with me" as "please put on a furry costume and roar alongside me".
@MensHumor: "I think I am going to have sex with the guy who is wearing his cell phone on his belt." Said, no woman ever.
@therejectionist: Is it normal to experience continuous feelings of loss and anguish that Corporal Hicks is not a real person?
@DavidRoads: Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. -Helen Keller
@DeathStarPR: If you don't have anything nice to say, you're probably just being realistic.
@slackmistress: Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk.
@wilw: From dinner: LeVar says, "How many times did Wesley save the ship?" I reply, "as many times as Geordi got laid. ZING!" many LOLs were had.
@wilw: Another from dinner. Me to LeVar, re Hunger Games: anything that gets kids to read is awesome... But you don't have to take my word for it.
@JenBookshelf: When I am god emperor of the universe, mornings will be outlawed.
@aeroplanegirl: Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together: Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.
@adamolsen: I turn the other cheek cause it's my good side.
@pattonoswalt: Meh. MEHHHHHHHHHH!!! -- hipster ghost
@DeathStarPR: Bad news: Kim Kardashian MIGHT be getting her own sitcom. Good news: if that happens Earth WILL be getting a laser to the face.
@ImTracyMorgan: What's the point of a high school reunion? I have Facebook. I already know you got fat.
@ChuckWendig: The only way to write is to write.
@FakeEditor: DAMMIT, PEOPLE, WRITE MORE BETTER!!
@thesulk: Dancers must have been super excited 34 years ago because it was almost 5/6/78...
@TheMarkTwain: It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
@ChuckWendig: When we say our characters do things we don't expect, what we mean is our subconscious mind is awesome and wants control for a little while.
@LopoLaugh: You can never be good at things you say you're not good at.
@BigPoppaMatthew: What doesn't kill you makes you wish it did.
@Rachel_Aaron: Sometimes you have to write the book in order to learn how to write the book
@acetachyon: New Higgs rumor: The Higgs boson is dating Snooki.
@DianeDooley: Crap. Coffee down my cleavage. How the hell can I miss a mouth the size of mine?
@JensBookshelf: A list of things you don't need to find in your toilet when you really need to pee. 1. A frog. 2. I hope that is all.
@Storymoja: Comics are a gateway drug to literacy.” ― Art Spiegelman
@JaninePreacher: A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon...
@KalebNation: So for all the writers out there wanting to be published: no it never gets old, and yes it's 100% worth all the work you're doing.
@raecarson: Growing as a writer means nothing you've written in the past satisfies. Here's to a long career of wincing at previous work. *raises tea*
@NotAbsoluteWrit: Despero, the AW wine. Flavors of coffee, printer ink and tears; an aroma evoking old flame wars and half-forgotten rejections. Coming soon.
@AuthorMJFifield: "Always remember to be yourself. Unless you suck." ~Joss Whedon
@cerebralbalsy: You guyssss. You don't have to send me a link. Just tell me you want me to block you.
@AlanHungover: Next time you're at a McDonald's Playplace and someone asks you, "Aww which one is yours?" Say, "I haven't picked one out yet..."
@JustMindBlowing: 20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die.
@djpaultavares: How to Save the World: 1) Make a document titled "The World". 2) Save it.
@alan_tudyk: I want to replace, "thank you for your service." you can say that to the waitstaff. How about, "you've kicked more ass than I'll ever know."
@ActuallyNPH: A heartfelt thank you to all of the men and women who serve(d) in our military. What you did, and continue to do, is awesome.
@DavidRoads: The secret of success is to be ready when your opportunity comes. - Benjamin Disraeli
@AuthorMJFifield: You know you spend too much time playing Angry Birds when you see a picture of someone's house & immediately look for weak spots.
@dawnmetcalf: Grant me the strength to accept the edits I cannot change, the courage to hit the delete key, and the wisdom to know the difference.
@BoobsRadley: Sex life getting boring? Try a trail of rose petals that leads toward your bed but veers into walls and over some marbles, because ahahaha.
@Janet_Reid: Querier just assured me "recommendations don't sell books". Honey,'word of mouth' is exactly what sells books. R is a fancy way to say that.
@geardrops: Bought a Yoo-Hoo. Didn't notice the safety cap was already popped. If this is how I go, remember me as a hero.
@SuzBrockmann: "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." Shakespeare
@DeathStarPR: Life is like a Jawa: short, hard to understand, mostly about collecting junk and usually ending with getting thrown on a bonfire.
*And by "week" I mean all the stuff since the end of March. Hang on, kids, this will be a lot of 'em.
*Note: As with all TotW, time is very fluid. Also, all tweets are occasionally as they appear in my feed to include RT credits (when able), trends, misspells, poor punctuation, lies, knick-knack, paddy-whack, and give a dog a bone.