The bottom level of my office building is in the process of a major renovation intended to update the bland, beige architecture of 40 years ago to something more modern. Inch by inch, the Powers That Be are replacing the drab of yester-year with blinding LED lights, explosive colors, and unicorns*. But the thing that has been getting the most attention isn't the decor, but the food court. Being offered double the number of eating establishments that we had before, the lines during the lunch hour have been staggering.
And today, the fooding** experience got EVEN crazier.
Lemme caveat this by saving that I love meat. I'm a carnivore and will hammer down a steak or burger with gleeful delight. Not that I don't respect the vegetarians, vegans, and other dietary people out there because I do. Big time. It's just that I have a very passionate love affair with red meat.
Apparently, so do elebenty-billion other people because the entire building has been overrun with talk about the new burger joint that opened today. "Have you ever eaten there?" "There is one near my house." "My kids love the fries." "Someone please unlock the bathroom." Etc.
Most of the chatter was just white-noise until a co-worker returned from his lunchtime trek with a huge, greasy bag. I'll admit, it smelled fantastic until he mentioned how the employee handed him a ticket with Order #372 and they were only on Order #63. It took almost an hour for them to get him his fast food.
Of course, I HAD to see the insanity for myself, so I trotted downstairs, rounded the corner, and stopped cold. The Great Line was somewhere between "LOLWhut" and "Redonkulous".
What's even more mind-boggling is that my friend, and I suspect many other patrons, will stay a little later this evening to make up the time they spent standing.
In Line.
For a hamburger.
Seriously, people, it's just a burger. Cow, two buns, ketchup, done. Nothing overly complicated with that math. But one look at the line and you'd think the meat could cure colds, complete your taxes, or grant you three wishes.
Realistically, it's just the novelty of Something Different. Having dined at each establishment several times, I can understand the appeal of a new place, but until the Burger Craze dies down, I have little interest in their meat-on-a-bun. Especially if it means having to make up the time.
Unless it really does grant wishes, in which case, order up!
*Okay, maybe the lights aren't that bright....
**It is SO a word!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Unintentional Hilarity
For Christmas, CobraMrsFit renewed my subscription to a men's magazine that I enjoy*. Unbeknownst to me, there was also a free gift (gym bag) that came with the renewal. Being the loving spouse that she is, she was all a-quiver to replace my current gym bag which passed its prime sometime in college.
Yesterday, the package arrived with the following note (which is literally copied word-for-word here):
"Dear Reader,
Thank you very much for your order.
Unfortunately, the free gift we described in the promotion is not longer available.
We're sending you the enclosed item - which is one of our reader's favorites - as a substitution. We hope you'll find it interesting and useful, as this gift is similar to the product in the promotion.
If you have an questions, please contact us through e-mail at [redacted], by writing to [also redacted], or calling [aaaaand redacted].
We hope you enjoy this gift.
Sincerely,
Etc, etc, etc."**
There are two reasons why this note caused my bride and I to collapse into tears of laughter.
1) It's about as generic as you can get. Seriously, Magazine Guys? I know that you have thousands of customers, but you couldn't print my name at the top to make me feel like I wasn't just Some Reader? After all these years, I thought we had something special!
2) The line: "We hope you'll find it interesting and useful, as this gift is similar to the product in the promotion." Why, you may ask? Because the gift they sent was this:
Why yes, Magazine People, I do find a plastic water bottle interesting and useful! Not only that, it is soooooo similar to a gym bag, I can hardly tell the difference.*** A $40 gym bag vs $2 water bottle? Different shades of gray, apparently.
The question I have is: Who in the world looked at the two and went, "Meh, close enough"?
I know this was a generic replace-like-for-not-even-close thing that wasn't intended to be hilarious. Ironically, instead of being disappointed, we laughed ourselves sick last night and want renew the subscription again, actaully right now, just to see what parallels they try to draw this time. If the bag-to-bottle ratio is any indication, I might wind up with a worn shoelace instead of a sexy personal trainer named "Tiffany".
*Not THAT one! A gym and heath one. Sheesh!
**I'm keeping the note, by the way. I might even have it framed along with the photo of the water bottle.
***If by "similar" you mean that it's something that I might use at the gym. FYI, I also use running shoes, weights, and stationary exercise machines, all of which would be lovely substitutes next year when we renew.
Yesterday, the package arrived with the following note (which is literally copied word-for-word here):
"Dear Reader,
Thank you very much for your order.
Unfortunately, the free gift we described in the promotion is not longer available.
We're sending you the enclosed item - which is one of our reader's favorites - as a substitution. We hope you'll find it interesting and useful, as this gift is similar to the product in the promotion.
If you have an questions, please contact us through e-mail at [redacted], by writing to [also redacted], or calling [aaaaand redacted].
We hope you enjoy this gift.
Sincerely,
Etc, etc, etc."**
There are two reasons why this note caused my bride and I to collapse into tears of laughter.
1) It's about as generic as you can get. Seriously, Magazine Guys? I know that you have thousands of customers, but you couldn't print my name at the top to make me feel like I wasn't just Some Reader? After all these years, I thought we had something special!
2) The line: "We hope you'll find it interesting and useful, as this gift is similar to the product in the promotion." Why, you may ask? Because the gift they sent was this:
Why yes, Magazine People, I do find a plastic water bottle interesting and useful! Not only that, it is soooooo similar to a gym bag, I can hardly tell the difference.*** A $40 gym bag vs $2 water bottle? Different shades of gray, apparently.
The question I have is: Who in the world looked at the two and went, "Meh, close enough"?
I know this was a generic replace-like-for-not-even-close thing that wasn't intended to be hilarious. Ironically, instead of being disappointed, we laughed ourselves sick last night and want renew the subscription again, actaully right now, just to see what parallels they try to draw this time. If the bag-to-bottle ratio is any indication, I might wind up with a worn shoelace instead of a sexy personal trainer named "Tiffany".
*Not THAT one! A gym and heath one. Sheesh!
**I'm keeping the note, by the way. I might even have it framed along with the photo of the water bottle.
***If by "similar" you mean that it's something that I might use at the gym. FYI, I also use running shoes, weights, and stationary exercise machines, all of which would be lovely substitutes next year when we renew.
Friday, February 3, 2012
My Love Affair With (some of) the New DCU
We are 5 months or so into the DC reboot (aka the DCnU) and so far, it's 50/50. I've seen a lot of angst over the complete overhaul and, to be honest, I understand why. DC has rebooted character before, but this is the first time they did it across the board and some things just feel sloppy. Specifically, the concept that it's only been 5 years since "Supers" appeared and yet now we have legacy icons (the Big Three) as well as thousands of "Second Tier" heroes.
And don't get me started on Booster*.
BUT, as much as I may cry about the treatment of my favorite hero or the question the "history" of the reboot, there are four amazing products that not only prove it was a smart move, but keep me coming back for more:
1) Batwoman:
**
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the gold standard for comics. The artistry of J.H. Williams III crosses the line between story and..uh..art. Even the boarders of each panel tell a story. Whenever we see Batwoman, we get the crazy, psychedelic boarders, but when it's just Kate Kane being Kate Kane, the boarders are angular and plain. The separation of the character and her worlds using this kind of attention to detail makes the comic emote a story and not just tell it. Plus, the re-readability of each issue is top-notch. Batwoman, alone, is worth diving into the DCnU.
2) Aquaman:
***
This is the opening page of Aquaman #5 and is, without a doubt, one of the best examples of a "Batman Cold Opener" (as my buddy Scipio over at The Absorbascon likes to say). I was hooked with Issue #1 and have been hanging on ever since. Part of that is because of sequences like the one above, but the other part is because the comic is one of, if not the only, one that is "self-aware". Case in point: the "diner scene" from Issue #1:
By the way, this scene happens immediately after Aquaman orders the Fish and Chips (seriously). Geoff Johns and Company know they are dealing with "the least popular superhero" and yet they are rebuilding an icon while maintaining a decent level of tongue-in-cheek. The storylines are excellent and the artwork is above par. The level of effort put into this comic has quickly made Aquaman my absolute favorite character of the DCnU.
3) The Flash:
4) Wonder Woman:
The team behind Wonder Woman has done an outstanding job of re-spinning her tale. Specifically, we see Diana dealing with the Greek Gods and all their selfish/crazy machinations. Storyline-wise, this is one of the best and while the artistry isn't up my alley per se, it is still very well done. Plus, the plot and character development far outweighs any feelings of "meh" I may get from the presentation (when compared to Batwoman). It's an example of a strong story wrapped in a pretty package (the comic, people. Not WW herself. Sheesh). I love a good tale of Greek mythology and Team Wonder Woman has hit a grand slam with the spin they're putting on it.
So, there you go.
But the question remains, has the DCnU been a success? I'd say most likely and use myself as an example. Whereas I used to read only a couple DC comics (a round of applause for Booster Gold and Red Robin, please), I've now more than doubled that number since the reboot. And while there are certainly some massive holes and major stinkers, we are extremely lucky to have at least four outstanding titles.
If you're new to the DCnU or are one of those readers who have refused to come back after the reboot, I recommend giving at least the comics above a try. If nothing else, you'll be treated to some stunning artwork and impressive storytelling.
And really, isn't that the point of comics to begin with?
*'Cause really, DC? The guy lives outside the Time Stream which should have made him impervious to Flashpoint. If you wanted to really drive a point home, why not leave him as the only one that isn't affected by the reboot? You'd have a lot of room to work with as he tries to adjust to a "different" past. Okay, okay. Rant over.
**image courtesy of http://comicbookjesus.com/2011/02/03/extra-sequential-podcast-26-action/j-h-williams-iii-batwoman/
***image courtesy of http://ifanboy.com/articles/the-best-of-the-week-in-panels-01-25-2012/
****image courtesy of http://www.google.com/imgres?q=aquaman+1+fish+and+chips&hl=en&safe=active&gbv=2&biw=1211&bih=536&tbm=isch&tbnid=DwBlqjkNuZPrNM:&imgrefurl=http://happynerdjohn.blogspot.com/2011/10/aquaman-1-review.html&docid=EJygaQDqgkIzXM&imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMdWE4F4masFrsRKQ0wKLMSn20efYYuYW1E_asTT5TYtXftjAX9N_r3d37ynhCDnarkucAFxcwp9N1KxTTVnIyVSlBlxvK_UhxGC8Cf_mcazd2NAfb1alCT4bl2FSYl4Hlj9fVwNDyK0/s1600/Aquaman2.jpg&w=955&h=961&ei=Y_srT-XZBYrGtgfoxfHOAw&zoom=1
*****image courtesy of http://www.google.com/imgres?q=the+FLash+%231&hl=en&safe=active&gbv=2&biw=1211&bih=536&tbm=isch&tbnid=nf733FZ7cFJNCM:&imgrefurl=http://comicsalliance.tumblr.com/post/10814258316&docid=RTkKec9iSbXIlM&imgurl=http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsap285kWW1qcw9rdo1_500.jpg&w=500&h=383&ei=CQAsT9mxBsWCtgflgen-Dw&zoom=1
******image courtesty of http://panelsonpages.com/?p=43711
And don't get me started on Booster*.
BUT, as much as I may cry about the treatment of my favorite hero or the question the "history" of the reboot, there are four amazing products that not only prove it was a smart move, but keep me coming back for more:
1) Batwoman:
**Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the gold standard for comics. The artistry of J.H. Williams III crosses the line between story and..uh..art. Even the boarders of each panel tell a story. Whenever we see Batwoman, we get the crazy, psychedelic boarders, but when it's just Kate Kane being Kate Kane, the boarders are angular and plain. The separation of the character and her worlds using this kind of attention to detail makes the comic emote a story and not just tell it. Plus, the re-readability of each issue is top-notch. Batwoman, alone, is worth diving into the DCnU.
2) Aquaman:
***This is the opening page of Aquaman #5 and is, without a doubt, one of the best examples of a "Batman Cold Opener" (as my buddy Scipio over at The Absorbascon likes to say). I was hooked with Issue #1 and have been hanging on ever since. Part of that is because of sequences like the one above, but the other part is because the comic is one of, if not the only, one that is "self-aware". Case in point: the "diner scene" from Issue #1:
****
By the way, this scene happens immediately after Aquaman orders the Fish and Chips (seriously). Geoff Johns and Company know they are dealing with "the least popular superhero" and yet they are rebuilding an icon while maintaining a decent level of tongue-in-cheek. The storylines are excellent and the artwork is above par. The level of effort put into this comic has quickly made Aquaman my absolute favorite character of the DCnU.
3) The Flash:
*****
I put this one as a close second to Batwoman in terms of artistry. I love the sequence above from Issue #1 because it shows a story rather than telling it. We see The Flash dealing with a burglary situation while at the same time, getting all the intro/credits/background stuff out of the way. The circular nature of the panel is fantastic because it's all happening at the same instant. I wish we had more items like this in each issue, but when they do happen, they are worth the wait. 4) Wonder Woman:
******
The team behind Wonder Woman has done an outstanding job of re-spinning her tale. Specifically, we see Diana dealing with the Greek Gods and all their selfish/crazy machinations. Storyline-wise, this is one of the best and while the artistry isn't up my alley per se, it is still very well done. Plus, the plot and character development far outweighs any feelings of "meh" I may get from the presentation (when compared to Batwoman). It's an example of a strong story wrapped in a pretty package (the comic, people. Not WW herself. Sheesh). I love a good tale of Greek mythology and Team Wonder Woman has hit a grand slam with the spin they're putting on it.
So, there you go.
But the question remains, has the DCnU been a success? I'd say most likely and use myself as an example. Whereas I used to read only a couple DC comics (a round of applause for Booster Gold and Red Robin, please), I've now more than doubled that number since the reboot. And while there are certainly some massive holes and major stinkers, we are extremely lucky to have at least four outstanding titles.
If you're new to the DCnU or are one of those readers who have refused to come back after the reboot, I recommend giving at least the comics above a try. If nothing else, you'll be treated to some stunning artwork and impressive storytelling.
And really, isn't that the point of comics to begin with?
*'Cause really, DC? The guy lives outside the Time Stream which should have made him impervious to Flashpoint. If you wanted to really drive a point home, why not leave him as the only one that isn't affected by the reboot? You'd have a lot of room to work with as he tries to adjust to a "different" past. Okay, okay. Rant over.
**image courtesy of http://comicbookjesus.com/2011/02/03/extra-sequential-podcast-26-action/j-h-williams-iii-batwoman/
***image courtesy of http://ifanboy.com/articles/the-best-of-the-week-in-panels-01-25-2012/
****image courtesy of http://www.google.com/imgres?q=aquaman+1+fish+and+chips&hl=en&safe=active&gbv=2&biw=1211&bih=536&tbm=isch&tbnid=DwBlqjkNuZPrNM:&imgrefurl=http://happynerdjohn.blogspot.com/2011/10/aquaman-1-review.html&docid=EJygaQDqgkIzXM&imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMdWE4F4masFrsRKQ0wKLMSn20efYYuYW1E_asTT5TYtXftjAX9N_r3d37ynhCDnarkucAFxcwp9N1KxTTVnIyVSlBlxvK_UhxGC8Cf_mcazd2NAfb1alCT4bl2FSYl4Hlj9fVwNDyK0/s1600/Aquaman2.jpg&w=955&h=961&ei=Y_srT-XZBYrGtgfoxfHOAw&zoom=1
*****image courtesy of http://www.google.com/imgres?q=the+FLash+%231&hl=en&safe=active&gbv=2&biw=1211&bih=536&tbm=isch&tbnid=nf733FZ7cFJNCM:&imgrefurl=http://comicsalliance.tumblr.com/post/10814258316&docid=RTkKec9iSbXIlM&imgurl=http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsap285kWW1qcw9rdo1_500.jpg&w=500&h=383&ei=CQAsT9mxBsWCtgflgen-Dw&zoom=1
******image courtesty of http://panelsonpages.com/?p=43711
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